The Fellowhip of the MooMonster
by AgentCel
Summary: the agents are finally ready for Elrond's royal ball, but there is a naughty scheme in the works, and Elronds get a lil too friendly! R&R please!
1. The Calling

**READ THIS OR YOU WILL BE VERY CONFUSED!** Hey ppl! This is my first fic, so please be nice! Ok, this is loosely based on LOTR(the plot) and Gollum is a major character. or at least he will be later. every character in this who isn't LOTR is a modern version of a specific LOTR character! you will understand as the story continues. but for your reference... _**(IMPORTANT!)** Spell=Frodo, Pan= Sam, Cel=Aragorn, Tano= Gandalf, Lee and Lang= Gimli and Legolas, Read=Boromir(boo hoo she's gonna die) and Rea and Van=merry and pip! _

ok then, now that all that is settled... **I do NOT** own Gollum, Elrond, Elrohir, Legolas, Ron Weasley, Lothlorien, Rivendell or any elves. Except for Cel. And I do not own the whole you know who thing, or the idea of destroying the ring. which is in this case, a medallion.

Enjoy! **PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!! **I like nice, happy reviews, but CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is greatly appreciated. and so are new ideas! but trust me, it will eventually get easier to understand. OK then, I dont wanna bore anyone, so AU REVIOR!!!!!

**_YESS PRECIOUSSS REVIEW!!!!!!!!_**

**Chapter 1: The Calling  
**  
_Beep... beep... beep_- "Shut that thing UP Lang!!!" screamed Agent Tano. Lang hurried to see why his computer was making such a fuss. When he tried to turn on his computer, he saw nothing but static. "Oh Einstein's thumbs! I payed $2000 for that laptop and it's already screwing up! Oh Lee, I hope this isn't a big disappointment to you!" Agent Lee scuttled over to Lang and wrapped her arms around him. "Nothing is a disappointment as long as you're with me, dearest Lang!" she whispered.  
  
"Love is simply a state of mind, child... and Tano, do not go about hating your coworkers so, it will lead to despair... and besides, hate is simply love angered! And you know much about love, do you not?"   
  
Tano turned to face none other than Agent Cel. "How did you know how much I hate these annoying people- wait a minute, when did you get here! What, did you just walk through the wall or something?" Cel rolled her eyes. "I walked through the door like any normal person would... just I actually know how to be quiet. Now, what is all the fuss about?"  
  
"My laptop has an urgent message, but it wont work! This must be a sign from the heathen gods of math that I haven't... haven't... THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN A GOOD ENOUGH STUDENT!" Lang flung himself on the floor, tears streaming down his face.   
  
"More like a sign from the heathen gods of the computer repair shop, saying that they want your money..." Tano mumbled. "Hush boy! There's enough mourning in here without you being murdered by Lee, so don't give her a reason to! Now I'll just log on to Lang's account through my computer and then all will be fine again! Seriously, you mortals are soo helpless."  
  
Tano hurried to Cel's side as she checked her computer. "OK, log on, Agent- ooh! There's a new issue of Witch Weekly! I'll soo have to tell Read and Van! NO- don't get off topic Cel! Umm where was I? Oh yes, log on as agent Lang... check info messages... Future Band Directors of the World Unite... no that's not it. Wanna be the next Einstein... nope. Nerds Nightly... that's not it either. Score! I found it! Ok open..."  
  
Lee and Lang hurried over to Agent Cel. "What does it say?" asked Lee as she fondled Lang's bow-tie.  
  
"There is an evil moo-monster in Houston. He is heading here! Ooh, they want US to help? HA! SDPM to the rescue! Hey, that kinda has a ring to it..."  
  
Lang hurried to his magic calculator of dangerously large equations. "According to my calculations," he said as he pressed a bunch of buttons, "That moo thing should be here in two days! Oh this is so terrifying! I NEED MY INHALER!!!"  
  
Agent Lee ran to their bedroom and found his inhaler. As she handed it to him she trembled and clutched his arm, which she will end up doing A LOT. "Oh agent Lang babe... I'm scared!" Tano rolled his eyes at the band-loving couple and scanned the skies and the grounds surrounding the headquarters. "We need the Spellmans' so we can figure out what to do! Oh, where are they when we need them?"

**Meanwhile, in the Band Hall...**  
  
"Oh Spell, how much do you love me?" Pansy Spellman whispered into Spell's ear. Spellman moaned and held her closer to him. "I love you to the moon and back, and then have Lang multiply that to the power of all the stars in the sky and I still love you even more!" He blushed as he felt Pan's hand sliding down his pants. _I hope she doesn't find that fish that me and Gollum were sharing!  
_  
"Do you love me more than anyone else?" Pan inquired. Spellman bit the corner of his lip. "Well yes, with some exceptions. Ya know... like family stuff." Pansy giggled._ How sweet!_ _He's so family oriented!_ Spellman smirked. _Gollum HAS to count as family! Like... when we come together as one in the sea... with the fish as our children... yea, family.  
_  
As Pan smiled up at Spellman, he quickly wiped the smirk off his face. "What was that all about?" she asked. "Umm... It's kinda weird with my dad in here watching us..." he mumbled, looking for an excuse to get away from the Hobbit's lovey-doveyness. "Why don't we go back to the headquarters?"

**Back at the HEADquarters**  
  
"Hey Tano, Spell and Pan are coming back!" yelled Lang when he saw them hurrying up to the entrance. Tano rolled his eyes and walked down to greet them, glaring.  
  
The two lovers stepped in front of the eye scanner and exchanged worried glances as Tano shot them an evil look. "You're late. We have very important, no, dangerous, issues to discuss. First of all, Lang's brand new _Lothlorien laptop_ is broken, and everyone knows that nothing can beat Lothlorien computers in their power and reliability! Obviously something didn't want him opening that urgent message that he received!"  
  
Pan gasped. "What urgent message? Did we miss something? Oh, this is terrible! Hug me, Spell, my love!" Spell slowly put an arm around her. "You see, dearest? We cannot go wander off together anymore, or else more terrible things could happen. We must hurry and meet with the others!" _But I of course, should still wander off with Gollum...  
_  
When Tano, Pan, and Spell were all in the common room, Cel stood up. "As you all hopefully know by now, there is an evil moo-monster in Houston. We, unfortunately, have been asked to stop it. So... everyone needs to work together so we can find a way to stop this thing. The rest of the agents should be here shortly, as well as some of our junior members."  
  
Lang sighed and placed his hand on Lee's shoulder. "I sure hope this doesn't mean we have to miss our Band Queers Incorporated meeting tomorrow!

**Later, in the Common Room...**  
  
"Ok Cel, who all is here?" asked Tano. "Umm, so far we have you, me, Av, Pan, Lee, Lang, Read, and FluteBoy. Van and Rea are out somewhere, probably finding weapons. Or stalking Legolas and Ron. Dud and Corpse are probably preparing for the BQI meeting tomorrow, and that's about all I know."  
  
"What about Gollum?" asked Spell as he walked past Cel and Tano. "Oh, hey Spellman. I don't think that Gollum will really be able to help much... but you can still help. Why don't you fly over the forest and look out for anything suspicious?"  
  
Spellman gasped. "But Cel... the forest is _forbidden_!!! Who knows what's in there! Werewolves, vampires, MONSTERS-" Cel sighed. "It's only forbidden for junior members... and it's not like you have to go in it. Just fly _above_ it."  
  
Agent Spell sighed and turned around. _Oh, will I ever see Gollum again? I must destroy_ _this moo-monster before it destroys me! But where is it's power-_ Spell screamed as he ran into the door. Tano sighed. "And I thought he would be _helpful_..."  
  
As Spellman walked out of the HEADquarters, he thought of Pansy, and how he had been neglecting her lately. "Maybe I should buy her a loincloth!" he mumbled as he took flight over the forest.   
  
While he was flying over the trees, something shiny caught his eye. "Oh!" he whispered. "That's probably jewelry! I can give it to Gollum- I mean Pan! Or... maybe I should keep it for myself! Yes, I'll do that! But... how will I get it? Oh, I guess I'd better find Cel!" And then he flew back to the HEADquarters.  
  
"Cel! Cel, I think I found something!" yelled Spellman as he ran into the common room. Cel stood up and handed her laptop to Tano. "What is it?" Spellman looked at the floor. "Well... I don't know. It's in the forest- and I thought, well... I thought that you should get it! It could be dangerous in the hands of someone like me!"  
  
Cel nodded. "So in other words, you're scared." Spell blushed. "Well, no... I mean it's just that... ok, you're right. I'm scared." Cel patted his shoulder. "Come on, just show me where it is and I'll get it for ya."  
  
As Spellman and Cel walked outside, Spell grabbed Cel's arm and shot up above the trees.  
  
Cel shrieked. "Holy Hippogriffs, Avadaar, what do ya think you're doing!!!" Spellman laughed. "You asked me to show you what I saw, now do you wanna see it or not?" Cel sighed. "How the hell does Agent Pan put up with you?"  
  
"Who knows- hey look! There it is! See that shiny thing down there? That's what I saw! Can you come down there with me to get it?" Cel glared at him. "You brought me here, for some bloody _jewelry_? You little- ughh!!! Just get down there, ok?"  
  
Spellman scanned the forest and finally found a nice place to land. As they hit the ground, Cel slowly backed away from him. "I am never, _ever_, flying with you again! After you get that thing, I am _walking_ back to the headquarters! Oh damn, my arm hurts!"  
  
Spellman reached past a tree and froze. "There it is!" he gasped. "It's a medallion! Cel, look!" Cel looked over Spellmans shoulder and shrieked. "Av! Don't you know what that is! It's the medallion of- of- _Sourbun_!" Spellman screamed. "Don't say that name! Oh Cel, what are we supposed to do?"  
  
Cel closed her eyes and picked up the medallion. As she held out her palm, it shook. "Agent Spell, I cannot take this medallion for you. You found it. Now you must take it, cuz it was you who woke it. Keep it secret, keep it safe.(A/N: hehe Gandalf quote! sorry, I'm really caffienated right now...) Go! You must go back to the headquarters, it's not safe here! FLY!"(A/N: Gandalf quote again... 'Fly, you fools!' ok hyper....)  
  
Spellman trembled and took the medallion from her. "I don't- why me?!" he asked. Cel shook her head. "Go." she said as she handed him her bow. "Take this. Only shoot at what you can hit."(A/N: sorry, had to throw in a BHD quote...) Spellman nodded and flew away.

**THIS FIC IS DEDICATED TO PRONGSIE! AKA MY BESTEST FRIEND! LUV YA GIRL! PADFOOT**

Ok, that's all for now! in case you didn't notice, this fic has references to HP, Black Hawk Down, and Pearl Harbor. Dont ask why...

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YESS MY PRECIOUSS REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!! WE WANTSS IT, MY LOVE, MY PRECIOUSS REVIEWSSS!!!!!!


	2. The Invitation

Hey ppl! OK in case you don't understand this chapter, the 'Mysterious RPG-shooting objects would take the place of the creepy Nazgul. I hope ya like this chapter, and as always, review! If I have any mistakes, dont hesitate to tell me, and I'll see if i can change it. Soon i'm gonna start working on a normal LOTR story(w/ the original characters... yay!) and i might try an HP!

I **still **dont own any elves, Ron Weasley, Lothlorien, or Rivendell. I also don't own Mirkwood. Thranduil does... GRRR!!!!

**I LOVE YOU ALL, SO PLEASE REVIEW MY PRECIOUSS! WE WANTSS THE REVIEWSS YESS...**

**MWAHAHAHA THE "NAZGUL" ATTACK SPELL!!!!!!! **

**Chapter 2: The Invitation**  
  
Spellman(Frodo) ran into the headquarters as fast as he could. Several mysterious objects had been shooting RPG's at him, and he just wanted to get away from them as fast as he could! As he ran into the common room, gasping, Pan saw him and rushed to his side.  
  
"Oh, Spell, what happened? Are you ok? Oh, I'll kill myself if you're hurt!" Spell smiled and hugged Pan. She might not be Gollum... but he loved her. And right now, she was the only comfort he had. "Don't worry dear Pan, I am perfectly fine... just a little bit scared. We found... the medallion of- of- _you know who_!"  
  
Pan screamed. "Oh Spell! This is terrible!" She looked up at Spellman, tears filling her big Hobbit eyes. Spell tried as hard as he could to comfort her, but he was trembling fiercely, and no words would come out of his mouth.  
  
As he held Pan closer, Agent Read joined the crowd surrounding him. "Hey, what did you mean 'we'? Was someone with you, or do you just have an imaginary friend?"   
  
Agent Tano gasped. "Cel..." he muttered. "Spellman, where is Cel? Without her, we soo aren't going to be able to defeat this moo-monster! Oh dammit, what the hell happened to her?!" Spellman slowly backed away from the angry Agent Tano. "Well umm... you see, she wanted to walk, cuz she didn't really like flying, so she gave me her bow and told me to go quickly and only shoot at what I can hit- wait a minute, you cussed! Oh my God, Tano cussed! I can't believe it!"  
  
Tano glared at Spellman. "You left her alone in the FOREST!!! You idiot! No one gets left behind, you know that!"(heh... BHD quote again...) Agent Read grabbed Tano's wrist. "Drop it, Tano. Cel knows how to take care of herself. She wouldn't want you or anyone else risking their lives to save her. She will be back, ok. Right now, Spell is the only source of info that we have about this medallion thing. It's not going to help us if we disown him."  
  
Tano nodded. "Go sit down, Spell. We need as much info on this medallion thing as we can get. Where you found it, exactly what you saw when you found it, everything." Pan pulled Spell toward the couch, but before they could sit, they heard a scream coming from the forest.  
  
Spell screamed. "Oh, what the hell have I done!" he whispered and ran to the exit. Tano broke into Lee and Lang's room and grabbed a music stand. As he ran out of the headquarters he activated the alarm and yelled "All Agents to the forest!"   
  
When Spell and Tano stepped out of the headquarters and into the grounds, they saw nothing but darkness. Lee and Lang followed them, and Pan and Read brought up the rear. "I told FluteBoy to stay inside. I honestly don't think he will be able to do anything except get in the way. Right now is NOT the time to bring junior members."  
  
Tano nodded. "Good thinking, Agent Read. It is always better to have someone guarding the common room anyways." Read blushed. /_Tano thought I had a good idea! Oh my god, did_ _he just smile at me! Oh, if only we were a couple-/_ She was jerked out of her thoughts when Lee handed her a pencil. "I know it isn't much, but if something attacks you, jab this in it's eye and run away as quicky as you can!"  
  
The agents stood in the middle of the grounds, shaking. They were surrounded by an eerie silence, and all they could hear was the gasping breath of Lang as he reached for his inhaler.   
  
Pan groaned and grabbed Spell's arm. "I don't think it's safe out here! Cel is the only one who knows about all the weapons,(A/N: see, like Aragorn. Yes! It's all making sense now!) and she's the one in trouble! What are we gonna do?!" Spell held her closer and ran his fingers through her curly hair, thinking. /_What would Cel do in this situation? Damn, I should have actually listened to those lectures that she and Tano gave instead of doodling pictures of me and Gollum frolicking though the forest!/  
_  
Suddenly they heard a gunshot coming from the forest. "Get away from me, you bloody creatures!"  
  
Lee and Lang ran towards the forest. "It's Cel!" murmured Tano. "She's alive!" Tano turned to face Spell. "Av, do you still have the bow?" Spell nodded. "I need you to keep it ready, and if anything comes out of that forest, I want you to give it two in the chest and one in the head.(A/N: Captain Steele says that. aka Lucius Malfoy, who I personally think would have made the **BEST Grima Wormtongue**! Or possibly Saurman...) You got that?" Spell reached for the bow. "Ok, Tano."  
  
As Tano walked away, a dark figure slowly came out of the forest. Spellman raised the bow and shot an arrow, aiming straight for it's heart. The figure saw the arrow and ducked, but too late. The arrow hit it right on target, and it raised it's head in surprise. It was Cel. (A/N: ok this is gonna turn into a Frodo moment, but I DONT CARE!)  
  
Spellman gasped and dropped the bow. He ran towards Cel, but an RPG came flying out of nowhere. It hit the tree behind him, and the last thing he saw was Pan running madly toward him, but before he could call out to her, his world went black.  
  
"SPELL!!!" screamed Pan as she ran towards the burning tree. She looked desperately at Tano, who had frozen, his eyes wide with horror. He turned to Lee and Lang, who had stopped shooting their band-powered lightning bolts into the forest to see what was going on with all the screaming. Tears filled his eyes as he walked over to them. "Man down."  
  
Lee and Lang gasped. They ran blindly towards the tree, filled with rage at whatever had hurt, or _killed_, Spellman. They honestly did not want to know his fate, but they had to try to save him. As they passed a small opening in the forest, they heard a shriek, and some more gunshots. They ran to the opening, but froze in their tracks. Something did not feel right...  
  
Lee grabbed Lang's hand and stared into his eyes. "I'm so scared right now!" she gasped. Lang rubbed her arm. "It's ok, love." he said, but he pulled away as he heard the sound of someone running toward them. "RPG!!!!"  
  
They ducked, just in time. The grenade whizzed over their heads and zoomed off over the Headquarters. Slowly, they raised their eyes to see who had saved their lives. Cel wearily walked out of the forest. "They just want the medallion. Get back into the headquarters, now."  
  
Lee trembled and backed away, grasping Lang's hand. "Go! They don't want ya'll, but they will still kill you if you get in their way! Get the others and run!"  
  
"Pan, Tano, Read, come on! We have to get back into the headquarters now!!!" screamed Lee as she and Lang sprinted to the entrance. Pan and Tano were directly behind them, and Read followed, still holding the pencil that Lee had given her, which was now broken. Tano pulled Read into his arms, and as another RPG flew by, the Agents entered the headquarters.  
  
Cel cautiously moved closer to the burning tree. She frantically searched for Spell's body and screamed when she saw it. He looked dead. "Oh Av, please be alive!" she whispered. She knelt down and felt for his pulse, but she couldn't feel anything. "Av, _Av_! You cant be dead!" (A/N: Compare Spells lil accident w/ Frodo's. He got hurt by those creepy things that are supposed to remind you of Nazgul, Fro-fro got hurt by the real Nazgul. Who's a genius? I AM!!! well, not technically...)  
  
Spellman just lay there, motionless, his eyes staring blankly up at the sky. Cel reached for his hand and held it. It felt cold and lifeless. Tears fell silently down her cheeks as she put her hand on Spell's chest and felt his heart. Nothing. "Av, please wake up! Do it for Pan, you guys have such a bright future! Dammit Av, do it for Gollum if you have to! Just bloody **wake up**!"  
  
Bullets hissed past them, and as one narrowly missed Spell, Cel completely gave up hope. She carefully pulled Av into her arms and began to lift him up, but just then a bullet hit her arm. Startled, she dropped Spellman. Pain spread through her arm, and she tried to lift Spellman, but he was too much to handle.  
  
"Somebody, please help me!" she screamed. Cel gently lifted Av with her good arm, and then pulled out her M-16.(A/N: hyper...) She stood up, and ran as fast as she could to the headquarters, trying to be as careful as she could with Spell. As yet another RPG zoomed in front of them, she glared up into the sky. "Curse you bloody things!" she yelled at the **9 mysterious creatures flying above the forest. (A/N: see? 9 just like in LOTR!)  
**  
Cel fired her M-16, and one of the creepy flying things fell, but she had a feeling that it wasn't dead. As she finally reached the entrance of the headquarters, she fired another round, and dragged Spell inside, just before the room started to spin. "_Please help_..." she gasped, and collapsed.

**Later in the Common Room...**

Spellman opened his eyes and squinted as the room came in to focus. Cel smiled at him and handed him a glass of some orange liquid. "Drink this, it'll make you feel a lot better." Spellman took the glass and guzzled it as fast as he could, and the liquid dripped down his chin.  
  
Cel handed him a washcloth. "Well Av, you sure scared us all to death! Pansy has been hovering over you, so I'll let you two have some privacy. Just don't do anything too crazy, you still need to gets lots of rest!"  
  
Spellman gaped at Cel. "I thought- I mean- I thought you were dead! The arrow... how did you survive that?!" Cel smirked. "Well, lets just say that I have my tricky little ways of surviving totally deadly situations! Now you didn't get so lucky, so you're gonna have to take it easy until tomorrow. But I'll go get Pan, and you can talk to her. She has been soo freakin worried about you."  
  
Cel walked out of Spellmans room and Pansy entered. She ran over to Spell's bed and jumped on top of him, hugging and kissing him all over. (A/N: See, it's kinda like w/ Frodo and Sam! Sam is clearly in love w/ Frodo, but Frodo doesn't seem to know if he wants Sam or Gollum. Same situation here! Damn, that Gollum really gets around...) "Oh Spell! I thought you were gonna die! I mean, Tano assured me that you were fine, but you weren't breathing, and Cel was unconscious for a while so we didn't know what to do! Cuz she's the one who knows all those elvish potions and I was just so scared!"  
  
Spellman laughed and passionately kissed Pan. He felt her hands sliding up his shirt, and imagined that they were at a romantic hotel, but was brought back to reality when he felt a sharp jolt of pain. "Ow! Pan, I think we better go to the common room."  
  
As Pan led Spell into the common room, they were greeted by a whole lot of noise. Lee and Lang were practicing there duet for Band Queers Incorporated, FluteBoy and Read were practicing high notes on their flutes- badly, Tano was making explosions with his chemistry set, and Cel was at her laptop. Cel was clearly the only one who knew how to be quiet.  
  
As Agent Read hit a very horrendous high note, Tano jumped up and grabbed the flute.  
  
"SHUT THAT THING UP!" he yelled. Cel calmly stood up and walked up to Tano. "Tano, please do us all a favor and go pop a Midol!"(hehe!) Tano froze, and Agent Read took the opportunity to slip out of the room.  
  
"I'm sorry! It's just that... Spellman came into the room, and he's hurt and all, so I thought it would be good for him to have some peace and quiet!" Cel rolled her eyes. "Tano, you didn't even notice him come in. You were too busy making explosions with your bloody chemistry set."  
  
Tano began to say something, and it is good that he didn't because it probably would have been very stupid and pathetic, but he was interrupted when Agent Read re-entered the Common Room.  
  
"Cel! We got an invitation to Elrond's royal ball! (YAY! FUN TO WRITE ABOUT!)We're all invited! It's tomorrow night, so we're soo gonna have to go SHOPPING!" Read jumped up and down, giggling. "We're going to a ball, we're going to a ball, Elrond's royal ball, the royal ball, cuz we're going to a ball, we're going to a ball, we're going to a ball, a royal ball, Elrond's royal ball, we're going to a ball, going to a ball, shopping for the ball, the very royal ball, cuz we're going to the ball- hey Cel, where are you going?"  
  
Cel was dreamily walking away, and then she grabbed a vase of flowers and twirled around. "We're going to Rivendell!" she declared. "Rivendell!" She sighed and leaned against the wall, her eyes closed. Pan nodded knowingly.  
  
"Elrohir." she announced to the group. As Cel heard Elrohir's name mentioned, she swayed and dropped the vase. "Oops! Umm... I think I'm gonna go to bed... I'll see you guys tomorrow!" she murmured, and stumbled out the door.  
  
Lee yawned. "You know, I think Cel had a good idea. We should all go to bed... we can't be tired for the ball tomorrow!" Everyone nodded and lazily left for their bedrooms, with Read still singing "Going to the ball..."

**OK I SWEAR I REALLY DO LOVE EVERYONE WHO TAKES THE TIME TO READ THIS, SO PLEASE, PLEASE, _PLEASE _REVIEW!!!**


	3. Surprises

Author's note: Sorry it took so long for me to update!!! I had to totally rewrite this chapter when I restored my commpy! EVIL COMMPY!!! lol... thanks to all that reviewed! I luv ya guys soo much! My preciousss lol! Ok it's late and I need to finish watching Armageddon so this is really short now... bummer. Well keep reviewing!!!  
  
disclaimer: I don't own Elrond, Glorfy, Legolas, Erestor, Elladan, Elrohir, Galadriel, Arwen, or any other elves besides Cel. And I don't own Gollum or Ron. I only own my wonderful, creative mind. Haha... mebbe not so wonderful.  
  
Kudos to all who R&R!!! Now on with Chapter 3!!!  
  
Chapter 3: Surprises  
  
"You better lose yourself in the shower, the water, the soap suds, you better get really clean. You only get one shot- do not miss your chance to rinse your hair, this opportunity comes once in a shower!"  
  
Tano sighed. "God save the Queen," he said, and Cel rolled her eyes. "God save us all."  
  
Tano sighed again, and checked his collectible 2003 Spurs Championship wrist watch. It was 2:07. As he began to sigh yet another time, Cel reached out and slapped him. "Tano, if you don't cheer up and stop bloody sighing, then I will hurt you. BAD."  
  
Tano was stupidly about to protest, but luckily for him, the rest of the agents chose that precise moment to arrive at the common room. He stood up to greet them, and adjusted the basketball tie that he was wearing over his favorite 'GO SPURS' shirt.  
  
Cel casually sipped her tea as she looked over the extremely unusual, yet so bloody typical, outfits that her co-workers were wearing. Lang had on his entire band uniform, pressed and starched, and Lee was wearing her band vest and bow-tie over a heinous black satin ballet skirt. Of course... She then glanced over at Spell and Pan. Spell was wearing his on- duty uniform as Guard of the Citadel, but without the armor. Consequently, it looked like a dress. Pan was outfitted in a green and yellow dress, odd color choice, but fitting since she was, after all, a hobbit.  
  
Pan must have been the most normal looking of the group. Until the foot hair was noticed. She had tied ribbons in her foot hair. Cel gasped, and fled from the room.  
"What was that all about?" asked Tano. Lang shrugged, but then grimaced as the sound of Read singing drifted from the shower. "Maybe she predicted that coming." suggested Lee, but Spell frowned. "She could have at least warned us!"  
  
"Crazy, I just can't see! I got soap in my eye, it's in too deep. Ohh, CRAZY, but it feels all right, cuz baby taking showers keeps me clean for the ball!"  
  
Tano screamed and started banging on the bathroom door. "SHUT UP!!!" he yelled. No use. More horrendous singing drifted out, and all they could do was stare blankly at each other with their hands over their ears.  
.  
  
Meanwhile, in Cel's lair...  
Cel sat on her bed, staring down into her mocha frappachino. It somehow had only taken her five minutes to get ready. Things just kept getting creepier by the minute...  
  
She set her frappachino on her desk and stepped over to her closet, trying to find some shoes. As she rummaged through the bottom of her closet, something caught her eye.  
  
Cel reached under a pile of scarves and pulled out a shimmering scarlet bottle, embellished with a silver 'M'. She smirked as a sneaky idea crept into her mind, and she gently placed the tiny bottle in her bag.  
  
Five minutes later, Cel finally found her stash of all things Mirkwood. She slid her hand into the bottom of it, and pulled out four more bottles. "Score!" she whispered, and hurried to finish getting ready.  
  
As Cel placed a tiny silver earring on her pointed ear, she realized that Agent Read had actually shut up! It was 2:30. They would hopefully be leaving soon. As she ran out of her room, she realized that she had left her purse. She crept back in.  
  
"Can't leave you behind!" she said gleefully, and hurried to the common room.  
  
Back in the Common Room...  
  
Tano, Spell, Lang, Lee, and Pan were all gazing gauntly at each other with their hands over their ears when Spell noticed that it was unusually quiet. He then proceeded to do a very brave thing. He removed his hands from his ears.  
  
"Hey guys, Read finally shut up! We're safe... currently!" Tano, Pan, Lee, and Lang carefully followed Spell's example. It really was quiet! Tano was about to make some extremely nerdy remark, but then the door to the bathroom hesitatingly opened, and Read stepped out.  
  
Tano's jaw dropped. Agent Read was wearing a sparkly, hot-pink ball gown, with matching four-inch heels. Her lacy, full skirt swirled behind her, and she had a huge pink rose entwined in her curled hair.  
  
Tano couldn't help himself. He leaned over and kissed her hand, which made both of them blush. As he began to wrap his arms around her, Cel entered. Tano gaped. Oh, why did she have to reject me?  
  
Cel had a very mischievous look in her eyes, and it really made Tano worry about what she could be scheming. "Cel, what evil plan is forming in your mind?" Cel froze, trying to think of an excuse. "Oh," she said, thinking about the effects of Mirkwood royalty's secret potion, "I think that tonight is gonna be very naughty... if ya know what I mean."  
  
Tano groaned. It was impossible to get any useful information out of Cel. "Stop your whining, Tano. If it makes you feel any better, you can ride with Read. We're leaving now, or else we're never gonna get there. And if we're late, then I will finally have a very good reason to murder you."  
  
Somewhere on Hawlwadig Road...  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Now are we there?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are we there now?"  
  
"NO! Pan, shut up right now!"  
  
It was soo hard for Cel not to laugh. Pan had been asking 'Are we there yet?' for the past hour, and Spell was starting to regret taking her to the ball in Gollum's place. Ohh... they were soo gonna need a little help from Mirkwood to 'spice things up'.  
  
"I'm bored." moaned Pan. Spell frowned. "Well... honey," he said bitterly, "what do you expect me to do about it? Hello, I'm like driving!"  
  
Cel woke up. Spellman really needed to learn to keep his voice down... and Pan needed to stop whining. "But Spell my love, I'm so bored!" Spellman glared at her. "Well Pan, if you're just soo bored, then find some way to amuse yourself instead of bugging me!"  
  
Cel frowned. Now that Pan had resorted to counting trees and Spell was actually paying attention to the road, it was way too quiet. There just had to be something fun to do, and a brilliant idea popped into her mind. Cel pressed her lips together, waiting for the opportune moment.  
  
Pop!  
Cel ducked down just as Pan screamed. "What was that?!" yelled Spell as he glared at Pan. "It wasn't me." Cel shoved her fist in her mouth to stop laughing, and waited patiently for Spell and Pan to forget about it. Pan eventually sighed and went back to staring out the window, and Spell resumed keeping his eyes fixed on the road.  
  
Cel carefully glanced up. Yes, it was safe now. She braced herself as they went over a speed bump, and pressed her lips together again.  
  
Pop!  
  
"AARGH!" screamed Spell as he flung himself around. Cel had ducked under a blanket just in time, and as Spell and Pan looked down into the seat, Cel peered up at them from under the blanket, holding her breath.  
  
When Spell and Pan went back to staring gauntly at the road, Cel slowly let out her breath and tossed the blanket away. Wait a minute- why the hell do they have a red silk blanket in the back of their car? Cel shrugged, and bit her lip to stop laughing.  
  
Spell and Pan finally went back to not noticing anything that was going on. Cel took this as a very good sign, and cautiously slid her head between them. They showed no sign whatsoever of seeing her, so she slid her head a bit farther.  
  
Pop!  
  
Spell and Pan turned around as fast as they could and came face-to- face with Cel. They glared at her, and she just smirked. "Having a lovely ride in the romance-mobile?" she asked. The little lovebirds exchanged worried glances and looked into the back of the car. Their blanket was there!  
  
Shit! thought Spellman. I thought I put that up last night after me and Gollum took a ride on the wild side! I hope Pan just thinks I was saving it for her... yeah, I'll pretend that I was preparing for a late- night after-ball session!  
  
Spell quickly thought of some sexy phrases he could utter in Pan's ear. None of them were sexy or romantic- to a sane person.  
  
"Sweet, sexy Pan... I can taste your lips just by looking at them, but I haven't felt them against mine for so long that the taste is fading! Tonight... why don't you, ahem... freshen my memory?"  
  
All last night when I snuck out of bed to prepare our car for a wild ride... I was thinking of you, and feeling your foot hair against my legs. That is the most wonderful feeling in the world! And I just wanted to lick you from your head to your toes-"  
  
Pan interrupted. "So that's what you talk about in your sleep! It kinda scared me... it sounded like you wanted to kiss a fish."  
Spell blushed, thinking about Gollum. "Well... fish is my favorite food, and fish have always seemed to me as some of the most sensual creatures on earth! That's why they remind me of you! You fishy little hobbit, you! The way their scales rub against my skin... it reminds me of your feet! Yes, your delicious feet! Ooh... I just wanna eat you up!"  
  
At this point, Cel couldn't control herself anymore. She burst out laughing, and tears were streaming down her face. "Oh, how freakin romantic- 'You remind me of a fish!' Ha!" She stared at the ground for a few seconds, and Spell and Pan just figured that she was trying to think of more to say, but she was really imagining Av on a beach with a fish in a bikini. Scary.  
  
Finally they all fell silent. Pan blinked a couple of times, and sighed. "Are we there yet?" she whispered. Spell was about to flare up in anger, but then Cel shrieked "YES!!!" The agents drove into Rivendell drive, after what seemed to be hours. As they exited their cars, Elrond and his posse came down to greet them.  
  
"Welcome, welcome, my friends! I hope that your stay here is an enjoyable one! The ball will start in about an hour, so I will get you guys to your rooms to freshen up a bit! According to the looks on these threes faces," he said, motioning to Cel, Spell, and Pan, "you guys really need it."  
  
"Everyone has their own private room, but feel free to wander around! Okay, let's see... Tano, Elladan will take you, Lee, Arwen will take you... Lang, go with Haldir, Read, go with Erestor... and Spell, you can go with Elrohir, and Cel can go with Glofindel... anyone else? Ahh, yes, dear Pan! Why don't you come with me and I'll get you settled in!"  
  
Cel looked around the group of agents. "Umm, Elrond, we're missing some people." Elrond smiled. Don't worry... Van, Rea, and Flute boy arrived a bit early. I already got them situated.  
  
Cel nodded and ran up to Glorfindel. "Glorfy!!!" she yelled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Aren't ya so excited about tonight's shindig?" Glorfindel turned red. "Not really... Erestor and I are stuck being waiters, just cuz we got in a lemonade fight. Elrond really needs to sort out his priorities."  
  
Glorfindel turned around and Cel shoved something behind her back. "Um... well Glorfy, you look a bit parched. Why don't you drink this?"  
  
Cel handed Glorfindel the small silver goblet that she had been hiding behind her back. He gulped it down, and his eyes glazed over.  
  
"Must find... Galadriel. Ooh, sexy momma yess..."  
  
Cel shoved the goblet back into her purse with a huge smile on her face. "Score!" she whispered. Her plan was working already.  
  
Pan's royal encounter...  
  
"So Pan, I'm glad that you like your room. My room is right next door in case you need anything. Remember, my house is your house, and the same apply's with rooms. So just in case you need my assistance sometime later... I can give you a tour of my room also."  
  
Pan grinned as Elrond led her out of her room and into his royal suite. The two bedrooms were separated by only a sheer purple curtain, and she could see that Elrond has a very luxurious king-size bed.  
  
"As you can see, I have a very large bed. I don't believe that it's practical for just me to sleep in it... it feels so empty. Especially with such a large comforter. It's made with the finest velvet from Mirkwood."  
  
Pan licked her lips and smiled seductively as she batted her lashes. Elrond lowered his head as his eyes watered.  
  
"Pan... you know that the moo-monster is coming. Well... I don't know how long I'm gonna survive all this. But I really appreciate knowing that someone as sweet as you is around to take care of me. But... If I die out there... I want to know that we lived all we could... tonight."  
  
He blinked as Pan put her hand under his chin and lifted his head.  
"Dry your eyes toots. Tonight... you're mine."  
  
With that, Pan threw Elrond on the bed and got ready for a wild night. Yes, a very wild night indeed...  
  
Under a table in the ballroom...  
  
Cel cautiously stuck her head out from under the Punch table. Finally, the entire Ballroom was EMPTY! She crawled out, and slid over to the radio, where she turned on the Mission Impossible theme song.  
  
Cel crept back over to the Punch table. There were four very large bowls of punch. Perfect...  
  
Cel slipped the small scarlet bottles out of her purse and carefully opened them. She had always been taught to be extremely careful... especially after the little accident involving Legolas and his 'My Little Pony' doll. That might explain something about his behavior...  
  
Carefully, Cel poured a small amount of potion into each punch bowl. She smiled. Her first prank of the night was gonna be a success!  
  
Cel spun around as she heard footsteps. Hastily, she shoved the bottles back into her purse and grabbed a silver ladle just as Elrohir entered the ballroom.  
  
Elrohir looked questionably at Cel. "Cel... what are you doing with the Mission Impossible theme song playing? You don't have another sneaky plan... do you?"  
  
Cel smiled nervously. "Me? Sneaky? Ha, I don't know what you're talking about, dude. Umm... this punch sure looks good, don't ya think?"  
  
Elrohir grinned and wrapped his arms around Cel. She stared up at him for a few seconds and then pulled away, and walked to the radio. Elrohir gazed at her, and then poured himself a glass of punch. "What were you doing then?"  
  
"Sneaking..." Cel replied quietly. She turned off the radio and then looked over to Elrohir, who was taking a sip of the punch.  
  
"DON'T DRINK THAT!!!" screamed Cel, and she lunged at Elrohir, knocking him to the ground. Too late. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.  
  
"Well, someone sure is excited about tonight..." Elrohir said softly.  
  
Cel yanked herself out of Elrohir's grip and pulled him up. "Elrohir, stop now. The ball is in like, thirty minutes! You need to calm down-"  
  
Cel was interrupted when Elrohir pushed her against the wall and started kissing her neck. Cel closed her eyes, and tried to think of a way to make the effects of the potion less severe on Elrohir. She gazed out a window and saw Elrond's hot tub. An idea crept into her mind and she carefully pulled Elrohir closer to her.  
  
Cel slid her hands onto Elrohir's neck and raised his head. She looked into his dark green eyes, and then kissed him, leading him to the door by the hot tub. As soon as she got him outside, she grabbed his hands and pinned them against his back.  
  
"Sorry dude, but you know I love ya!"  
  
Elrohir looked quizzically at Cel, but before he could say anything, she shoved him into the hot tub and ran away.  
  
Meanwhile, in the TV room...  
  
In the TV room, Read and Tano were the only ones happy. Read was in Tano's lap, and they were gazing into each others eyes. Spellman glared at them, wondering where Pan was. Sure, she wasn't nearly as good of a kisser as Gollum... but she had such sweet pillow talk.  
  
Legolas and Elladan were contentedly watching 'My Little Pony'... but they kept getting interrupted by Rea, who was barging in on their cuddle sessions. Rea was determined not to believe that Legolas was gay with Elladan. "He's just exploring his sexuality!" she had told Agent Van.  
  
Now Agent Van was in a terrible mood. Not only did she have to site in this TV room watching 'My Little Pony', but her beloved Ron wasn't gonna be present for the ball. Not that he knew that he was her beloved. She just stalked him as often as she could.  
  
Lee and Lang were furious. They finally had access to a TV after the long drive from the headquarters, and they still had to miss the Drum Corps International Marching Band Festival!!! Spellman was mad for a similar reason, but he just really wanted to watch Law and Order.  
  
Spell looked at the clock. Only ten more minutes until the ball started! He was just about to start heading to the ballroom, but just as he stood up, Agent Cel burst into the room. He backed away and crossed his arms.  
  
"Please, please, tell me that Elrohir isn't in here!" Cel groaned. Spellman felt her forehead to see if she had a fever. She seemed perfectly fine...  
"I thought you wanted to see Elrohir?!"  
  
Cel moaned and buried her face in her hands. "I know! I do... just not while he's in his present state. Don't ask questions, just-"  
  
Legolas and Elladan turned off the TV. Legolas smiled and gazed around the room. "We better head to the ballroom now! I know that it would be a shame to miss even one second of the ball!"  
  
With that, he linked arms with Elladan and sashayed out of the room, as Tano, Read, Lee, Lang, Van, and Rea followed.  
  
"Aren't ya gonna come?" Spellman asked Cel as he headed out the door. Cel sighed and leaned against the wall. "Maybe..." she muttered.  
  
Spell smirked. "Maybe just isn't gonna work today. You're coming... now!" he said and he grabbed Cel's wrist. "Fine!" Cel whimpered, and Spellman pulled her out the door.  
  
By the time Spell and Cel caught up to the rest of the group from the TV room, they were at the entrance of the ballroom. Spell grinned, thinking of how much fun he was gonna have. He stepped into the doorway and looked around the ballroom... and gasped. 


End file.
